her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
