All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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