just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize