Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
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His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
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Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize