My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Randomize
