in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
