i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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