don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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