i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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