i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
