Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
