he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
