i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
