sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
