Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
