We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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