my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
