We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
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I see more hoeing in ur future
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