I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
