If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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