I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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