I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
