Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize