omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
