woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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