I haven't been this sober since birth.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
