i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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