My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize