fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm having to shit out rocks
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