Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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