Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
