I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
He kissed a someone with a penis
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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