I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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