Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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