I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
