Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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