roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
