don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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