What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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