i need an iv and a liver transplant
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
