she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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