okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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