It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
