just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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