Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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