So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
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And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
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He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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