the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
