Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
