This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
