You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just gargled with NyQuil
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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