I'm gonna have a badass scar
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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