After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
