you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
