I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
