She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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