I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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