White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
