Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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