I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
