so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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