I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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