I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The air was thick with penises
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
