She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
