Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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