it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
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Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
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THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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