Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
