i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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