Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
