You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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