turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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