Say something about gay babies.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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